Char made it to her six months old mark last week. *here come the tears* The past six months have been easily the best for our little family, but also the hardest. Michael and I got lucky with Char, she is the happiest baby that I have been around and I thank Heavenly Father for that everyday.
At the beginning of this year, I really started focusing on my career and where I wanted that to go and also trying to figure out how Char would fit in the mix. How do I be the best mom and hairstylist that I can be? I tried to imagine the balancing act it would take from Michael and I. I worked HARD while I was pregnant to grow my freelancing business here in Boise and I was starting to see that hard work pay off when Char was born. It made stopping work very hard, so I didn’t. I felt good after I had her so my first hair styling appointment was one week postpartum.
working a styled shoot at 9 months pregnant
working a styled shoot at 6 months postpartum
Looking back on the past six months, I am in constant wonder how fast it has gone by. Michael is sick of me asking for more time in the day and more days in a week. I am so in love with my beautiful baby girl. A kind of love that is indescribable. But I also have a burning passion inside of me for being a freelance hairstylist. Now I’m not sharing this to help decide between one or the other. Because I am hoping there is somehow to be super woman and do everything? Just tell me there is a way. Please? I am on a constant quest to find balance with being a mom, wife, friend and working woman. I never expected the guilt and shaming that would come with being a mother. Definitely not from my husband or anyone else, but from MYSELF. Mom guilt has taken the biggest toll on me the past month. I love working and when I am with my clients I am completely happy. But man, leaving + picking up Char is the toughest thing I have ever experienced. Mom guilt is real. Mom guilt is hard. And I know that I am not the only one who experiences all of these mom guilt feelings so I want to open up to all of you working moms. I want you to know I am your friend. I want you to know that your baby loves you and appreciates you (even though they can’t tell you). I want you to feel proud of the work you are doing both in + out of the home. I want you to know its okay to cry. It is okay that it is hard. You are doing the best you can and that is enough.
Now I get that I am probably just saying this to myself, but that is enough. I am writting this tonight to remind myself to enjoy every second I get with my babe and stop guilting myself for the time I spend away from her.